The finest thing you can get out of a relationship is to be with a partner who constantly inspires you to be the best version of yourself.
Allow me to pose a question to you. When was the last time you felt like you were being supported? When was the last time you felt completely safe, at ease, and able to be yourself?
You are very privileged if your partner offers a safe environment for you to do so. Have you ever wondered why you don’t feel safe, supported, or loved if you don’t?
Let me share a story of my lady friend, her name is Nazira and she is from Kano state and she is into bag making and shoes. She is very beautiful and very nice to be with. Well, she nor be my girlfriend like watin you dey think. Just a good friend.
She told me of our buddy Usman because I know him very well and is a very nice friend to be around, she said he told her two years ago that he had loved her for a long time.
Let me allow her to continue the gist herself. (Nazira speaking) Once I got over my initial astonishment, it was an amazing day because I’d felt the same way about him for years.
It took me a long time to understand why the most attractive man I knew, not to mention one of my closest friends, chose me over anybody else.
I idolized him at the start of our relationship. I had a mental vision of him as my buddy, one of unattainable perfection, nonstop laughter and happiness, and a loving partner who would walk on hot coals for me, just as I’d seen him do for other girls.
I wanted to help him in any way I could and would go to any length for him, but when we met—a tough and confusing period for me for a variety of reasons—I was the one who needed help.
Things started to look extremely different than I had expected when I didn’t get what I believed I deserved. Maybe he wasn’t going to be the kind of partner I expected. Perhaps I had erected his pedestal a little too high.
Was it a bad decision to go from buddies to lovers? But what was really going on at the time was that I was relying on him far too much for the support, and I hadn’t even considered that the first and most important person I needed to sort out and assist was myself.
When we’re lost and confused, we often resort to external factors to bring us happiness. It’s something we’re all guilty of. Cloth buying, drinking, drugs, yoga, meditation, and other people have all been part of my quest for pleasure throughout the years.
But we can’t rely on anything or anyone to make us happy all of the time. We must be the ones to bring happiness to ourselves.
One thing I recognized early in our relationship was that I was expecting too much from a person on whom I had much too many expectations and assumptions.
I assumed that just because he was now happy with his job meant that our relationship was doomed and that I’d be pushed aside in favor of a new position.
I also assumed that because he wasn’t chasing me down and spending every last dime he had on me as he had with previous extremely demanding girlfriends, I mattered less to him than anybody else.
If he had behaved as I had expected when I was at my lowest, I would have immediately labeled him possessive, overbearing, and obnoxious, and that would have been the end of it. He was being all I needed him to be for where I was at the moment, which was the truth.
I didn’t need someone who, like my prior lovers, would wallow in self-pity and pessimism with me. I wanted someone to motivate me to be the greatest person I could be and show me that if I got back up, everything would be alright.
“I know you’re going through a lot right now,” he said to me one night as I cried, “but get really enthusiastic about the future and what’s coming next instead of being afraid of it because everything is going to be okay.”
Those words become more meaningful to me each time I recall them. Let me share what I’ve learned about the importance of having a supporting partner.
Someone who is a supportive other half isn’t someone who will hang on to your every word, do anything you want, and follow you to the moon and back. That clinginess isn’t the kind of “real love” you’re looking for.
When someone truly loves and supports you, they will challenge you, be there for you when you need them, and give you the space you need to be yourself and grow.
They will never judge you or place limitations on your intellect, physical body, or dreams. They’ll be a supporter of your cause without becoming a zealot. When you need them, they’ll go to the other side of the planet for you, but they won’t suffocate you.
They may not always be available, but when it matters most, such as when you are unwell or in the dark, they will be there for you without you having to ask.
They may appear to be the busiest or least affectionate person in the world at times, yet when it matters, they will drop everything for you.
Most importantly, people will notice you. This person will be able to see what others cannot. They’ll see you in all of your glory, as well as your flaws and flaws.
They will see you for who you are now, as well as the fantastic person they know you are capable of becoming, even if you can’t see it yet. They’ll adore you. Unconditionally. And in the end, it’s all that matters in life.
Stop expecting things from your mate that they aren’t naturally capable of providing. So long as you continue to speak assertively and don’t make unreasonable demands on each other, you will learn and grow together.
However, it is also up to you to take responsibility for your own sentiments and happiness. Put this first and, without even trying, you’ll become more lovable to your other half.
Continue to back each other up. Stop worrying that your other half will abandon you, mislead you, or disappoint you. Have faith in yourself, and they will believe in you.
If you are honest with yourself, they will mirror this wonderful truth back to you. And continue to show them all of your colors, both light, and dark. Because if they truly love and cherish you, they won’t abandon you as long as you do all of this.
Well, that was the last time I spoke with Nazira because after two months we lost her in a car accident. She could not really enjoy life as she has gotten to realizes even though it was late. May her soul rest in peace.
Thank you for reading till the end. It simply tells me that you are not ready to settle for less. To help you stay connected with me and my blog, here is the link to my Android Mobile App from Google Play Store, Please Download and install.
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